Fly chassis with a sassy manner

It's about time

2009-05-08T10:20:00.000-07:00

My brother Chester is getting married today! Hella excited! Pictures later (:

Doing it & doing it well

2009-04-11T19:05:00.000-07:00

School's been taking a toll on me. Like really, I'm drained. My body's never been so exhausted and this lack of sleep isn't benefiting me at all. AND, it's only the beginning. I can complain all I want, but honestly, I love the rush. I just hope I can continue to keep up. When they said this nursing program was accelerated, they weren't kidding man. My class is def my backbone for the next 9 more months.

Me and the girls went to Voodoo last night, pretty fuckin crackin! Back to school girl mode tonight ):

No title

2009-03-15T09:07:00.000-07:00

Live, eat, and breathe school. And that's that.

Sacrifices

2009-02-22T23:15:00.001-08:00

Being it my last week before my school girl mode, I've tried to do everything and anything before I fully devote my life to this nursing program. I need to laylow and start sleeping early so that when next week comes, waking up won't be such a struggle. There goes my life.. I'm about to be in a relationship ..with school. I'm really glad I've been able to get all this partying and clubbing out of my system. I've honestly never put my liver through this much. No more until my 21st.. Seriousfuckingly! Okay, maybe this weekend. But after, it's a wrap..

Lately I've been facing the thoughts I always threw aside. I never ever imagined myself to be in the position I'm in right now. Complaining? Naaa.. more like finally breathing fresh fucking air. Frustrated because this feeling seems a little too real, and I can't fully accept how good I have it right now. I really do wanna be the girl he describes me to be, I'm just worried I won't follow through and the last thing I wanna do, is let him down. I'm finally stepping all over the doubts, but when shit goes bad.. I find em resurfacing all over again. Fortunate but oblivious to true happiness, because my stubborn ass still believes that good things don't come this easy. But shit, he's here ain't he? He's with me. But why do I keep giving him shit for being what I've been digging in all the wrong places for. Because he tells me everything I want to hear, and everything I want to hear.. is everything he wants. He says it's perfect since that's the case between us. So I'll believe him, because I want this, too.

It's been fun going out of my element, and really enjoying the "single life." Finally being able to understand that love can't get you through life. Only you can create your future, not someone who's only promised to be there temporarily. Understanding how boys will remain boys, and how you should never settle for less, and how you shouldn't waste time being stepped on. My girls helped me realize all this a long time ago. Yeah we go out, meeting new people and having our share of fun. But I love how we never lose focus on what's important. The real shit we hafta face when we wake up the next morning. No one can understand me like my girls do and I love em for that. Even when we're out doing our own things, having a boyfriend or another group of friends never changed anything. Just wanna give em credit for being bad ass bitches that I can always turn to. Love you guys forevs.

Okay back to cramming all these medical terms in my brain and textmania with my usual geeky lovaboy. Wish me luck on my interview this Friday!

She said it best

2009-01-27T10:31:00.000-08:00

"I'm not scared of lions and tigers and bears
But I'm scared of loving you
I'm not scared to perform at a sold out affair
But I'm scared of loving you
Am I the only one who thinks it's an impossible task?
Why it don't last? Is that too much to ask?
Why do we love love,
When love seems to hate us?

Most circumstances, I know my fate
But in this love thang, I don't get the game.
Why does it feel like those who give in,
They only wind up losing a friend.
Just cause I love you and you love me,
It doesn't mean that we'll ever be.
Fly cross the ocean, sing for the queen
But the most frightening thing is you and me."

-Jazmine Sullivan

Best's 21st

2009-01-25T23:27:00.000-08:00

My last week of being school-free was well spent. It was Janelle's birthday week, so you know we partied hard. When she got back from San Diego, we went to ChuckECheese. For what right? PIZZA (= Hella craving for that shit for hella days now. Was going to watch a movie, but we just posted at her pad and watched OTH. Thursday was her 21st! Got ready at Nish's and pre-gamed after off that heeem! Sabor was a bitch to get into, they took my ID. )= So we went to temple and I was able to use Best's ID. It was coooo, drank too much though. /= All those mixed drinks kicked me in the ass later that night. Sobered up and chilled for the rest of the night. Next day, Voodoo was the plan, but we were still recovering from the night before. So the best remedy for an all day hangover.. PHO! Hahah, so Nelle, Alyssa, and me went to go grab some. Tapex after.. then had a little adventure. Hahah. Saturday, I played mommy all day. Took the Criselle & Leia to watch Hotel For Dogs. Cutest movie ever, I swear! I wanted to go Agenda w/ the homies for round 2 of Nelle's bday, but I got outta the movie late. So me and Seams were stuck, doing nothing. Was going to meet up w/ Ruth, but I was fucking tired. I won a personal of Hennessy last night though. (= SUCKAAAA! Hahah. Then today, I just chilled with the babygirls and we cooked for lunch. Chilled with sister, and we kept talking about my 21st. I can't wait! My Kuyas are dreading it, haha I love them. Went to 6pm mass, Tita Ditas and Tito Freddy come back from the Philippines tomorrow! It's about time. And my pops is leaving for the Philippines this Tuesday.. (Btw, we're good now.) I love how St. Francis is so involved in the poverty of the Philippines.. and how every year, they make their annual trip to Batangas to build homes and just renew the village. People there have nothing, and still live on being happy. And today at church reminded me that good things really don't come easy, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't dwell on what you don't have. Be thankful for what you do have and never ask for more.

I know I'm late w/ this blog.. but Happy 21st Janelle Ria! I'm glad you had a good birthday. Thanks for everything and for always being there for me through everything, best friend! I love you mamas! My 21st next. (= Here's a couple pictures..

Counting down

2009-01-18T22:36:00.000-08:00

So so so much has happened since the new year started. Mama's birthday was on the 14th.. So we had dinner at my pad. Cooked by yours truly. (: She loved her new coach bag that she's been eyeing every time we went in there! So I had to get it for her. On the 16th was Anthony's bday event at Abyss. Definitely tired of that place. But Jenny, Crystallina, and I were down to make the most of the free entrance, thanks to Jay as always! Saw Anthony right before he got in. (: Waited for zee boys to get there. It was fun though! Saturday I ran hella errands w/ my mamas. Tita Vi and the fams came from the Une and brought me Super Taqueria. :] After went to my cousin's for awhile. Got ready there.. came back home. Chilled w/ Brian, Mark, and Mike for awhile. Then went to Best's birthday shindig at her pad. I can't believe we're turning 21 this year. I remember when it was just her cotillion. ]: After Swoop and Paris got me & we met up with the other girls at Tay's for his 22nd birthday. Posted for a bit then hit the Une for another party, which was weak. But free shots and beer.. so it was coo! Hahah. So we cut out quick. Went to Jenny's to pick up MGD's and Kristel's car. Went back to Tay's. Chilled, drank, pictures as usual! I love my paparazzi Jenny. She's the best evvvs! Idk what else happened but it was fun. Ruth came through, finally! I missed her. Jenny got me some Jacks. So that fulfilled my munchies! Cut and ko'd once I got home coz it was like 3 in the moooo'nin. Slept all day and hit up 6pm mass w/ my mom. It was kind of tough praying for something that was hard to follow through with at the same time..

Okay. I will probably try to fight the tears while typing this. But I need to write it somewhere. So blahh.. I grew up not being close w/ my dad. And we have our days where we'll just chill and chop it up.. watch basketball together.. or whatever. But the other day.. I snapped on him because he just went too far w/ his unnecessary shit-talking. We haven't talked for the whole week.. and it just sucks because his birthdays coming up on the 23rd. And It's like.. how can I fake being happy on his day. For example, on my Mom's birthday, Kuya Chester told us he's leaving for Iraq or Afghanistan this May.. being his last year in the Marines.. it may be exciting for him knowing all that scrill he'll get when he comes back home. But for us, it's nothing but that same feeling we got when he left for Iraq the first time. It was the hardest thing being away from my best friend, none the less, my brother. And only being able to communicate through letters. Not knowing if he was doing just fine or struggling out there. I just don't want to have to go through that all over again. He's the only one that can save me from my pops on his asshole days. So how do you fake being happy when all this is eating me up inside. Easily. How? Two words.. My family. We've been through so much and I'm more than blessed to have a family that's so strong. I've been bitter towards my dad the past week, but it's the only way he'll grow respect for me. I know we'll get through this, we always do. We just gotta suck it up and make the most of our todays and tomorrows. Thru everything and anything my family has encountered, they still make me the happiest/luckiest ever.

Anyways.. I'm officially a Unitek student, going to school to be an NCMA then LVN then RN. I can't wait to start in less than two weeks. Penny less but enrolled. Tuition was a grip. ): I'll probably move to the Une somewhere in the middle of the 7 months. Une for the weekdays, SJ on the weekends. I'm excited, scared, anxious, nervous.. all of the above, all at the same time. But it's where the $$$ is.. right?

Fresh breathe of air

2008-12-30T22:17:00.001-08:00

With 3 hours left of 2008, I dwell on how much I've grown. Not intending to point fingers at my past, but it's such a load off my shoulders to know that I've leaped over every obstacle life threw at me. Honestly, I've never been happier than I am now. This year, I've gained and I've lost. I've loved and I've fallen out. I've realized who my real friends are and who I just can't seem to trust. I've messed up, but most importantly I've learned. This year has been strenuous, but I'm glad to be blessed with another year. 2009, will be my year to shine. It's going to be mine. :]

Off to celebrate the new year [: This weekend's going to be fun-filled. Cannot wait! & Congrats to Alexalee aka sees on her engagement! I'm happy for you. <33

'09 Resolutions

2008-12-29T21:02:00.000-08:00

Be a better daughter/sister/friend.
Strive for A's & remain focused, no distractions.
Stay single ALAP. (As long as possible) [:
Lose 15 lbs. Meaning gym whenever possible w/ brothers.
Find a good paying job & save up $$$.
Finish the LVN program w/ flying colors.
Most importantly, stay happy & reach for success.

Merry belated Christmas! & Happy early New years, because I know I won't blog anytime soon after this one. Haha! Anyways. The week of Christmas consisted of HELLA shopping. Like forreals, me and Anne hit every mall within 3 days. Went to Oakridge Friday afternoon, to exchange shit. That's when our filipino-ness surfaces. (: The boys met up w/ us & killed game. Jk! Hahaha. Adley was down from LA, so I was supersupersuper happy to see him. After, went home & got ready to go out w/ the girlies plus Chris. Went to Sushi Factory for Barbz' cousin Joanne's 22nd birthday. Never eating there again. ]: Hella shady! Then after, we went to Laurichelle's 21st. Drank, got faded, picture-crazed and all that. Lost my phone for that night & I freaked out. But luckily it was found. [: Never ever ever ever going to let that happen again. I've never been apart from my phone for that long, hahah.

She don't plaaay, hahah.

Heeeem & apple juice

2008-12-20T20:09:00.000-08:00

Just how I like it. Yesterday was busy busy busy. Went to our new house to do some more painting. We found renters, btw! They're moving in after Christmas. So it's going to be hectic until then, with all the cleaning/painting. After, got home and freshened up, then went to Eastridge w/ my mamas. Bumped into the boys, and then Arturo called me, and their crazyasses were camping out for the 11/12's package. Trippin! So I did alot of shopping, and met up with them after I was done. Saw Billy! Missed that nigga! Chilled outside until I couldn't take the fuckin' cold anymore. Left to get ready for the club. Took shots at Eva's. Waited for the rest of the girls, then cut out to Abyss. Swigged in the car and picture-crazed. I hate that club. It was so empty at first, but we made it fun! And it's fun when all of us are single. (: Cut out early, and ate at Iguana's. The boys took too long to leave Abyss, so we just posted in front of Eva's only to decide we're all going home. Hahah. Talked to Johnfool until like 3, coz his ass left to get the package, too. That was my night! Overall, I had fun w/ the girls. Moving on to city clubs next though. Because I'm 21 in 3 fucking months! And after talking to Barbz today, she's making me excited! This week is going to be so busy with Christmas eve & day, then the weekend! I can't wait and it can't get any better. (: Really tho! Today was fucking chill, I got to catch up on my zzzzsleep!

"No more hissyfits and snobby outbreaks, shit...." Lol at my sister's text earlier. She definitely knows me best. After 11 years plus, she grew on me like after the first month. Ever since, we can pretty much finish each other's sentences. Idk what I'd do without her. So she came over today, because she can sense my hangovers. She said it's the tone of my voice? Idkwtf she's weird. Haha. Then we have one of those talks we always have. Something like this..

"Sweet just isn't as sweet.. without the bitter." It makes definite sense. Don't you hate it when a random song comes up, then that someone you've been dodging texts you, and you see something that reminds you of your past? It happens to the best of us and it's shit like that that makes me so thankful for where I'm at now. Overcoming the challenges that I chased, puts me in the ideal position that I'm chillen at right now. Everyone calls it the single life, I call it stability. So chase after it, even if it feels wrong. In the end, you'll get a lesson out of it. So you can be like Keri Hilson and rip out a page of your memory. Front like it's not there, when undeniably, it's embedded in your head. All you gotta do is thank it for happening, and let the good things ride. Fly solo with no strings attached, and you'll be coo.

Mine and Anne's NBA hubbies played against each other. It was like heaven! Williams and Rose, and Barbosa and Anthony. Bulls won, Nuggets lost, Lakers lost, Warriors won? WtfIdk, what's going on. But look at my hubbabubba chillen. NBA boys = my weakness forever.

"He said he didn't know.."

2008-12-18T21:06:00.000-08:00

..A female's worth. Not a girl, or a woman, but a female in general. I was choppin' it up with one of my girls earlier, and it just trips me out how guys still don't know how to grow up. I thought by now, guys could distinguish right from wrong. I mean cmon now, how old are you guys? It sucks seeing my girls go through shit like this. It just doesn't cut on my list. If it's me, it's coo coz I can hang. But seeing one of my girls, I can't shake it. So to my girls feelin' down and out, feel better and upgrade! Don't feel like you're obliged to stick around just because "We've been together for too long to call it quits." There's always hope beyond a struggle. And every female deserves best, regardless of the circumstances.

Weekend's finally here. Yayayayayay. & Look at that smile..... Mmm! (:<

Annual scribbles

2008-12-17T23:02:00.000-08:00

As 2008 comes to an end, I remember writing a blog similar to the one I'm about to write. Recalling this year, I grew to become less reliant on a significant other. Grew to become more self-sufficient. Everyone said it was weird seeing me single, while I was busy enjoying it. I was always the type to go back to what I was used to, because I was afraid of experiencing something new on my own. I maintained stability but it was a back and forth argument with a factor who could never understand me, nonetheless trust me. Well I won and I left. And I was pulled back in several times this year. I've never kicked and pushed so much in my life. Luckily I'm better at saying "no" now, more than ever.

"If you blame someone else for your pain then you're an asshole. You are your pain, nigga. You can cut yourself right now. That don't hurt because you are your pain. If it hurt you, then you done that. Its a mind thing. You ever notice when you have a stuffy nose or you have a cold & you eat something, you don't taste nothing, you be like "I can't eat nothing, I can't taste it, I'm hungry." That's because you don't actually taste nothing. You know what I mean? You are you. You make everything around you you. You make water, you make the sky, because its you. If you don't want that to be water then it ain't water, fuck. Its you, so...yadigg?" -Dwayne Michael Carter

This quote pretty much elaborates the reason for everyone's daily complaining. Including me, you, or your worst enemy.. It applies to the majority of us. When you pick fights for stupid reasons, it adds fuel to the fire. And in the end, you get burned basically. Tryna fight for something more, ignoring the fact that you already have it as good as it gets, only adds more to your own frustration. And it's about time, I take my own advice. Someone kidnap the bitch inside of me and never bring her back.

Being nice is no longer my weakness. =T

Back on this shit

2008-12-09T22:22:00.000-08:00

I'm back. I know I suck at blogging consistently. Unfortunately I caught a virus yesterday, and I was puking my brains out, forreals. It was not cute. Yesterday, my brother had asked me to go to Costco w/ him. So I did, and I was fine at first. Then I started getting a throbbing headache, along with feeling nauseous. Ended up going home, not expecting to feel even worse. Stomach aches, chest pains, headaches. Basically, it was not a crackin' night for me. I woke up every hour, just to yack. ): So so so kawawa. I'm feeling much better than yesterday, but I'm still feeling weak. And it sucks! Seriously.. I'm in complete complain mood. But I lovelovelove my mom for dealing w/ me. She's been catering to me for the past two days.

I watched Twilight on Saturday night w/ my sisters. At first I was second-guessing the movie. Because I'm usually not into that kind of shit. But all I could say was, WOW. That was the best fucking movie ever. And I also didn't think I'd be on Edward Cullen's nuts. But damn, he's the second white boy that I'm in love with. My first one is Chad Michael Murray. (: But yeah.. It was just a goodass lovestory, and I'm hoppin on the book soon.

Just another vent. I'm so sick of dealing with bullshit. My life is my business. I've stayed out of your life, even when your decisions have definitely not been smart. But you know what, I've stopped caring a long time ago. If you don't hear from me, please don't be suprised. I've usually been the bigger person accepting your apologies, but I'm out of it. I don't care anymore. I'm tired of being nice.

On a better note, Christmas is around the corner! And I love this time of year. Especially w/ scrill in the bank! Time to spoil my loves. I'm in the mood to go iceskating, too. Good thing I'm going to Christmas in the Park on Saturday. (: I can't wait! And my tattoo appointment, I need to get inked up pronto. I finally made up my mind! And uhm.. Pacquiao whooped the Golden Boy. No suprise. I betted about 4 people, and came up on 3 bills. Nobody better back down on their bet, ooookay. Haha.

My girls have been the bestest friends ever. I hate it when girls say, "I don't roll w/ bitches cause they talk too much." Newsflash, every fucking girl talks smack! Whether, it's behind their own girls back, or someone they don't like. I don't think I've ever met a female that doesn't talk. I'm not saying I don't, because I admit.. I have my share of words. But honestly, I hate it when girls say they've grown out of talking shit. Like forreals? Luckily, I love my girls. And I'd never take them for granted. You just gotta know which ones to trust. Don't play the angel card. You're far from it. Hahah.

I've been wasting my minutes lately.. Mhm.

2008-03-11T08:27:00.000-07:00

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.

If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.

Allow your intuition to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.

Slower is better.

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve, then heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.

Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, Why would he treat you any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.

If something bothers you, speak up.

Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.

Don't ever make him feel he is more important than you are.. even if he has more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god!

He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are.

Never borrow someone else's man.

Oh Lord! If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

All men are not dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending.. compromise is a two-way street.

You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you.. a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals.. look for someone complimentary.. not supplementary.

Dating is fun.. even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr.. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and your always readily available to him, he takes it for granted.

Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.

Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.

(www.jaebabyyy.blogspot.com)

Stop pullin' my arm.

2008-02-24T20:13:00.000-08:00

Toldya I wouldn't blog til' my next free weekend. I've been handlin' business on the low lately, occupied by school and family, and a pinch of the exfactor in the mix. (again, I know.) Kick me, slap me, pull out my hair.. I'm trying to quit bad habits. My first weekend sober in awhile, what a good thing that was. I feel healthier already. Gotta prep up for my birthday, right? Which is still being planned.. so far: piercing next weekend (with Amanda and Cheryl-Ann.), dinner (sushi, duh.), clubbing (abyss.), studio pictures with best, and drink-up/get (don't know where yet.) Sounds good? If you don't hear it from me, I prolly don't want you there. But I'm bored right now.. tell me why I was excited about making dinner, yet my mom ain't even home to eat it with me. First time makin' it.. smells good, so it's gotta taste good. Lemon sirloin steak topped with cream of mushroom w/ vegetables on toppa that. Yumyumyum.

So the exfactor.. I know I was doing good, so good without that nag on my shoulder. And there's always a "but,".. mine is, "But I can't see my life without him." Kinda like, once he entered it.. there's no exit for him. I've tried stepping over my pride, but it only pushed me to walk away. And when I did, he's still has a hold on me. What the fuck, man. I know I can be independent, and I am. If you're in the picture, then make believe you're worth keepin' around.. if not, am I wasting my time? At least he knows my worth now. People ask me, "Did you give in?" No.. because tomorrow, I can still walk away. Benefits of being less co-dependent. This time around, my happiness comes first AND I won't be getting back in any relationships this year. Mind's made up. Just stop aiming for the soft spot coz after everything's said and done.. our stubbornness is going to collide, again. Longest relationships were with each other, and I guess that's what still makes me pick up my phone when your ringtone goes off. Hate it, but whatever, don't fuck with me, forreals. I'm like a ticking time bomb, that's going to defuse quietly. So yeah, this brings me to how I've spent most of my week with him and the sissys. Played ball, shopped, ate fancy, did homework, dyed sissys' hair.. it was chill.

Look at my babygirl Mary, wearin' them Aqua 8's. He's hella ugly, swear. Anyways, back to me, hahah. Amanda, Cheryl-Ann and I are going to have a girl's night out. But instead of getting pampered, we're going to get pierced. Well deserved considering how both Cheryl-Ann and I have our birthdays next month. But yeah.. you'll see my collagen injections. Haha.. I also ordered my new phone, fucking finally eligible for an upgrade, after two years! Glacier white Palm Centro. Mmm. Nelle's substitution Treo has done me good, lately. But it's time for a new baby. Recently got a new house phone, too. It looks more like a cell, more than my phone does. S'cute thoooo.. it's red. K well I think that's 'nough blogging. School this weeeek, gay.. Tuesday/Wednesday meetings, even lamer.. Oh well, I got it down. Niteeee! Have a good week.

MY NEW BABY! (: Yay to me and Anne.

Getting passed it.

2008-02-15T11:37:00.001-08:00

Busy bee lately, and I love it. It's a load not revolving your life around one thing. Instead.. keeping yourself occupied with your priorities in the order from greatest to least. School and family is the only thing that's on my mind. I would recap my weekend, but I don't remember half of it. So lemme try. Friday, finally did some damage on her face. I wasn't playing! Then got back to SJ around 7ish, drank up with some old friends. Brew and king's cup. Carddealer for the night, meaning everyone was shitfaced drunk, except me. (: Supposed to go to Eva's, but I was tired coz I wasn't home for the past two days. Went home around late, and knocked out. Next day, I was supposed to go shopping, but I was recovering from drinking beer, ew. Around 5ish, I started getting ready for Michelle's cotillion. Didn't know what to wear. Anne came to pick up my keyboard and dropped off something! Had our funny ass talks outside, then Nelle showed up, so we bounced to go to Milpitas. Got there and saw faces I haven't seen for so long. Like streetfam, Christine Flores!, and other people. Michelle was the cutest thing there, though. Kuya Mark got some MD, and so me and Nelle attempted to kill two bottles. Talk about a creeper.. coz that shit hella hit us an hour later. Chilled there and danced the night away. Our people are funnyass characters. (: Haha. Faded to the fullest extent, so I called it a night. Went home to drunk company, then knocked out and slept good. (=

Spent Sunday doing homework and recovering. On Monday, me and Ceej got some Sushi. It wassss the best. North Side San Jose Roll, mmm. (: Tuesday, me and the girls got lucky. Music was cancelled, so we made a quick stop to Long's and McD's. Chilled in the car, waiting for Nutrition, having good talks. After school, took Leia to see the duckies up Delta. Later on, it was Kuya Chester's 28th. Bought Round Table and KFC, and grubbed at my pad with the fambam. Good times. (: I missed him.. I haven't seen him all year. Chowder and the babygirls spent the night. Wednesday consisted of a new pack Kools, park and wind = bad combo, mission not accomplished, and Starbucks. Longoverdue, but it was freezing.

Thursday morning.. start of "Valentine's Day".. mama had a colonoscopy done, so I stayed home. Turned out Music class was cancelled again. So stayed home, with good company. Went to Nutrition and took hella notes. After class, left with Chea. Went to Sato Sushi, because I know he hates sushi. Tried something new and got the Apache Roll. Mmm. Got some raw tuna and salmon because, I know he hates fish, especially raw fish. Went to Lucky's to get my mom and dad a Vday card and a Cold Stone's giftcard. Boyfriends and husbands buying their females gifts, from left to right. Ridiculous because I wasn't tryna see that. But happy Valentine's Day to the couples that know how to be couples. (: After, went to his pad and knocked out while he picked up his sisters. Did some homework, and watched season 4 of OTH. Around 7, headed home. This blog is longoverdue, but I've been getting no sleep and haven't really been home. And when I am home, I'm doing homework. But last night I finally got in a full 8 hours of sleep.. felt good. Last minute valentine, gummi bears, Kobe and Melo shootin' hoops. Good dreamin'. My ringtone kept going off at night but I didn't even look, just ignored.. I was THAT tired.. ): Now I'm choppin' it up with Nelle, Anne, and Ceej. Tonight I think Ima dye my hair with best, then just chill after. Tomorrow is Leia's beauty pageant at Eastridge and Doreen's babyshower, and Sunday is Jeremy Dori's 19th birthday along with Ate Jane and Kuya Jason's house warming.

And I know it's gonna take me awhile to blog again so I'll write down a lil something for him. First off.. I really miss that nigga. Your second birthday up there, a year and half of not seeing your face, and 19 years of someone's life that could have been fulfilled at it's best. And it's like it all just happened yesterday. I could still relive those past two nights in my head. We've all been doing our own things, don't really kick it like we used to, and we might have portrayed that we've accepted your absence. But it still hurts the same. We still miss you the same.. not less, but more than the day before. You were the best company, and I know you're in a better place now.. So have a good one, Jay.. Happy 19th birthday. We'll pour some liq for you.. See you on Sunday, love!

EDIT: Monday 02/18/08.

I never had the chance to post the blog above, because I hadn't uploaded pictures yet, so I'll just make this one long ass blog! Well this past weekend was fun. Saturday morning, was Leia Analise's Little Miss Hawaiian Beauty Pageant at Eastridge Mall. Rushed to the mall when Criselle called me, and Leia was already on stage. She won the titles, Best Smile and Best Attire. Then 2nd runner up for one of the contests. There was hella cuteass girls! Leia busted out with the robot on stage! (Look at the 4th picture below, hahah.) She caught everyone's attention. Juls accompanied me since he was gonna go riding with my brothers. After the pageant, we treated the girls to some Sweet Factory. Then my mom and I went shopping for the first time in a longass time. After got some Starbucks and Anderson's Bakery. Went home, took a nap, and attempted to do homework. Didn't succeed that because I came out last minute.

Went out with the boys again. Around 9, Jimmy, Jeremy, and Tim swooped me up and we went to Honey's pad. Met new faces, and spent the night drinking MGD, Parrot Bay, and Captain Morgan. Planned on staying sober, so I only drank a lil bit. Poor Jimmy was twisted off his ass. )= Saw people I used to go to middle school with. "Is that your girl?" Hahah, please! Drunk or not, that whole night was funny because everyone kept drinking and drinking. Jeremy and his lip gloss incident, got Jimmy laughin' nonstop. Shit was funny, haha. The boys killin' alla the fucking oysters. Funny ass talks though, bout some shady business, HA. All I gotta say is becareful who ya text, coz it might be me that you're texting! Hahah. So yeah, called it a night coz I was hella tired. So waited for Jimmy to sober up, and we went home. Knocked out, and got woken up at 3. Asssss! After I had a good ass sleep. Woke up early on Sunday and went to church. Came home, napped and attempted homework again. Didn't succeed again. Got ready and went with Nelle and Rholan to the cemetary. Picked up stogs and balloons. I got lucky and suffocated with Jay's balloons. Got to the cemetary, and greeted Jay! Chilled with him for like a good hour. Taking pictures and waiting for Walter and Chrisergs. When they came, we let 5 balloons fly away. Hopefully he got em. (= After we headed to Ate Jane's and Kuya Jason's new spot. Hella nice! Damn. Saw the Dori family again, so that was koo. Chilled, ate, and waited for the rest of the homies. Then finally Kuya Mark, Tammie, and the babyboys came! We went picture crazy. (= Our godsons have a tough time liking us, though. We had to steal em and tell Tammie to hide. Hahah, mama boys! Then yeah, we cut out after chillen for awhile, then headed to the spot on Ruby. Neighbors were lookin' out so we parked at Lunardi's. Me, Jenny, and Nelle walked to Walgreens to buy some snacks, drinks, and candles. Went back to the spot, and lit up candles for Jay. More homies came, and we just chilled like the old times. Jay was hella chillen' with us though. Gahh, I miss him. )= But all in all, I had fun yesterday because it's been awhile since we all got together. So yeah, got home and slept. Got woken up around 3ish, then slept back around 4ish. Woke up early, napped again. And I've spent the whole day procrastinating on homework. Hahah. School's tomorrow, and I'm dreading it! But whatevvvs, I'm here tryna finish hw, but Making The Band is distracting me. Here's the rest of the pictures though, goodnight loves. (=

Ya always seem to bring us together. Rest in Peace, and Happy 19th! Love you bro.

Smashed on 'em.

2008-02-10T21:37:00.000-08:00

YOU WANT EM?

YOU GOT EM, THEN!

Oh Lebron, you're not so experienced as you thought you were. (:

Back on solid ground.

2008-02-07T23:34:00.000-08:00

It's the weeeekend! Got through this week just fine. My throat is itchy and sore. All you people that are sick, gave it me, just by complaining. Geeeez. Jk. The weather has been stupid. But it was sunny today, and it'll be sunny tomorrow and the rest of the weekend. I thiiiink. Yesterday, din't go to class just because, so I stayed home and kicked it with Leiaboo. Picked up Criselle from school, then went to the cousin's pad, to try and handle some thangs. Was there all day, then came home and made dinner. Didn't even eat though. Did some homework and chatted online. Ate Jalene sent me this video of me singing during our sleepover last week and she actually found the time to edit it. She should've added the bloopers, but she only put the forreal parts. Not gonna post it though.. Sorry. (: Maybeee.. if you give me a good reason to. But yeah knocked out hella late again, like 4am. Woke up kinda late around, 8ish? Class at 9, I had Music and Nutrition. Saw Elrick after Music. Good news. (: I got in Nutrition, she ended up adding the whole class. Took hella notes, hand hurt.. hate that. After me and Ceej got some grub. Fuckin laughed the fat off my stomach. Went home, and took a good ass nap. Woke up at 4, and then the kids came over while Ate Marielle went to night class. Left for my brother's pad around 8, went to the gym. And I'm here at my brother's pad still. Might sleep over, coz I'm tired. Maybe maybe, baby. But it's the weekend, I get to sleep late and sleep in. Finallyyy. Got two meetings this weekend though. Ima try to dodge one though. Tomorrow I have plans, free Saturday but Ima prolly go shopping, and on Sunday is part two of my brother's birthday. National day of love is next Thursday? Valentine-less, and it don't even make a difference. Kay well I'm bout to go play some rockband with the boys in the lobby, then I don't knooow. Give me plans for Saturday night, thanks. (:

EDIT 12:30am:
Since Nuggets lost yesterday, I'll mention how Warriors got shitted on today, sorry Anne and Joan! Hahah. Shaq's on Suns now? Crazy.. JL told me the other day and I didn't believe him, until I checked stats and Shaq's face was blasted on there. Damn I have hella game tix to buy in the next two months. Excited much? I'm tryiiiing to be. On a different note, I've been witnessing some shadyass characters that like to call themselves my "friends." I'm not really trippin' because I ain't the only one that notices. But damn, there's only so much someone can do. And people needa stop stretching the truth, adding personal opinions to well-known facts, keep MY name off the tip of their tongue, quit acting like they know ME and what the fuck I'M doin, distinguish when too much is beyond enough, and just chill and let life happen. Because reality is reality. It's going to bring you a whole shitload of disappointments, you can't control that. When things go bad, don't make it worst. Overall, I'm pretty much content with who I have in my life, and who just got kicked out of it. Think I'm kidding? Try me. (: I hold my REAL homies close to me, but once you're on my bad side, I promise you'll stay there for a good while. And I mean that, genuinely.

Callin quits, honey.

2008-02-05T15:34:00.000-08:00

Before I head to the Prime Office, I'm just filling in some last minute paperwork. I'm already tired, but I have a long day still. It's coo though, I have so much more time for myself now. School and work/training will be getting the best of me. ): Still looking for an hourly job, too. This commission shit ain't no fun until I get my checks in. My head's been throbbing lately.. so gotta check my blood pressure. I'm growing old, faccck. Speaking of getting older, my 20th is coming up. And I know I wanna do something, because my 19th birthday was shit. It was fun spending it in Reno, but I didn't do anything when I got back. Plus people decided to ruin it right when the clock hit midnight. So someone help me plan this year.. one more year, though. (: Fackkkkk..

Yesterday, I woke up early, so that me and Caezar could buy books before class. After we got some pho, mmm it's been awhile since I had that. Chilled then went home. Went to the Doctor's then got home and napped. Went to my meeting at 6, just chilled online while the speakers wouldn't shuttup. Went home, did homework, watched Making the Band, tried to help Jeffrey have hope to find our bombass gummy bears at Target (but they discontinued em, sadface), got Starbucks with Juls, went home and did some more homework. Had a reeeeal bad headache, so I napped and my ringtone woke me up at midnight so I could finish homework. I'm not even in Nutrition forsure yet, but I'm still doin the work and goin to class. Hopefully I get in, I hella wanna take it. So yeah, slept at 2am.. woke up at 6am (don't know why), then I printed out my hw. Talked to best coz she was up, too. We didn't wanna go back to sleep, coz we were scared we wouldn't wake up later on. Haha. So yeah, went to school and had Music and Nutrition. Bought my music book with Paul, coz he had to get his English workbook. Then we headed to the library to do some homework. After, I went home and called LittleC. Think we're gonna visit Jay later. Maybe, if I have time during my break. Then Joan came by and visited me for like a good 30 minutes. Caught up on thangs. Thanks for the visit, mamas! Well looks like I'm going to be at the office all day, missing Sociology.. meaning, I might hafta drop it. Training is a bitch.. it's complicating. So yeah, right now Anne's giving me a list of Sbucks drinks to get next time I go.. this shit sounds good. So yeah, mama just got Round Table Pizza, so Ima grub then go to worko. I'm bringing my laptop. So hopefully I won't be as bored. Lateer! (:

Conclusion,

2008-02-04T00:22:00.000-08:00

I'M DUNZO.

..Forreals.

So cliche, but she's right.

2008-02-03T09:56:00.000-08:00

"You said you had a photographic memory. But apparently, you forgot that honesty begins with being real with yourself and the ones you claim you love. The truth cannot be hidden. What's clouded in darkness will always come to light, my love. You should have known that, claiming you saw my light so clearly and brightly. I GUESS SHIT HAPPENS, I JUST WISH IT WASN'T ME. AND I GUESS IT'S SO MUCH BETTER TO HAVE LOVED AND LOST THAN TO NEVER HAVE LOVED AT ALL, I KNOW THAT'S SOME SHIT TO SAY BUT I'M STILL GONNA TRY TO LIVE BY IT. I'M STILL GONNA TRY TO PUT MY FAITH TO REST IN IT. I will sleep in dry pillows now, in a bed big enough to love myself in, I will awake these coming mornings with my eyes dry and shining full of the knowledge I am priceless & worth nothing but honesty. I will remove the scar that lead up from my chest, and take the hand of the little girl i used to be and say I'm sorry to her, I'm sorry for cheating you out of the joy you have always deserved and I will wait for a man to come along that can give me the truth of how much he can really love me." -Mayda Del Valle.

Turning the page.

2008-02-03T04:25:00.000-08:00

Finally found the time to type up in this thing. The goods, the bads.. gotta jot them down, before this weekend ends.. but I keep getting distracted. This past week has been all school, no play. From this day forth, my life's going to be devoted to school. (Or I'd like to think that..) My schedule's chill, so I needa take advantage of that, farrreals. Wasn't able to add Microecon, so I'll pass on that. And I'm still on the waitlist for Nutrition, and I wanted to take that, too. Added Music with Nelle and Alyssa. Other than that, I have Geography, Sociology, and Child Development down forsure. College.. I hate you forevvs.

I'm doing everything I told myself I wouldn't do. And it feels good actually stepping out of my element. I thought my life started over again, when 2008 started. But it looks like I'm going to start from scratch, starting today. Gaining friendships back, losing relationships in return. Even trade? Pretty much. So two entries ago, I mentioned something bout making amends with someone from my past? I was able to do it. I found myself actually getting things off my chest that I've kept built up for about a year. Didn't think I'd actually live up to be the bigger person in THIS situation because everyone and their mamas knew how bad this shit got. For no real legit reason, too. Nonetheless, shit happens, friendships were mended, but it'll always be in the back of our heads. Forgive, but never forget.

"In a relationship, there just has to be so much compromising, which leads to so much compensation. And trust is a major factor. Honesty doesn't mean anything if you don't have trust. Achieving the perfect trust can be hard, even if you're so pure." -Ruth Lagmay.

I don't think I could've said it any better. I don't think I've ever stood up for myself as much as I did when I was with you. I've never had to fight that hard for anyone's trust. And after these past 15 months, I'm letting you win this fight. Because no matter how much we tried to make this work, it's not going to happen if my heart's not truly in it. What I'm trying to say is, I'm exhausted. Everyday arguements became common, and it was like my happiness had an on and off switch.. AND YOU CONTROLLED THAT. If you weren't happy, it rubbed off on me because shit.. you were my other half. Even when I tried putting myself before you, I couldn't do it because you made it seem like all this was worth it. But lately, the bad times have been outweighing our good times, and I can't do it anymore. I can't. Because no matter how much we had our talks about change ..you can't force love. And that's why I needa let you go now.. because I can't keep talking about the future when we can't even get through NOW. We were so good together, people said it from left to right. But if you were made for me, if you were really the guy for me.. it shouldn't hafta be this hard. I know it only gets harder before it gets any easier, but it seems like I'm setting myself back because I don't see a bright end after this tunnel. I feel like if I keep letting myself let you back in everytime, you're just going to get the idea that I'll open the door for you every single time. And I can't anymore, and what's sad is.. I DON'T WANT TO ANYMORE. I don't want to be your get-away anymore, I don't want to base my happiness on your happiness, and I don't wanna be that girl for you anymore. I gave you my best, and it wasn't enough because I saw it in your eyes. I felt it everytime we argued, you were always expecting more. There's only so much I can take. I knew no matter how much I tried, I couldn't keep loving you without trust. And we both know TRUST is what killed us. Because I can't trust you, I can't trust your intentions because I always have to question if they're genuine. I should have listened the first time you told me that I deserve better, because you made me think you were the best for me. But it was only temporary and I'm putting an end to this circle. Why bother listening to songs about learning to treat me better, if you knew it couldn't happen? I really hope I can do this friendship thing with you.. BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW HOW TO BE YOUR FRIEND. We've always been more than that. Before when you asked me, why I still put up with you. I used to able to answer with no setbacks. But now, I can't even give you reasons anymore. When we weren't busy arguing, you always took care of me. Taking me out, because we missed an anniversary date. Rubbing my stomach, when I wasn't feelin good. Bummin' it on the couch in our pjays, watching basketball or Spongebob. Attempting to make food for me, when I was hungry, but we both knew your mom or sisters made it. Pullin my chin towards you, because you wanted to kiss me like Lucas kissed Peyton. EVERYTHING, BASICALLY. This shit is killin' me, but I'm doing it for me and you, since there's no more "us." Thank you though, for the times that were good, even the bad times, because it made me stronger and I learned from it. I'll miss everything bout us, I'll even miss the arguements. But damn.. I didn't think our anniversary would be the day I'd find the strength to walk out on us.. So there. One year and three months. Gotta take our song off repeat. Gotta scratch those dreams/plans that were made for the future. Gotta look away when the clock says 1:11am or 11:11pm. I guess promises weren't meant to be kept. LOVE, I THOUGHT YOU HAD MY BACK THIS TIME.

Well Ima call it a night, I got home about an hour ago (it's like 4:47am now) from the cousin's 21st. And I came home to 12 missed calls.. sorry. ): I left it at home. Tomorrow is Jordan's birthday, hopefully I can make it. I should sleep now so I don't wake up with a bad hangover. Plus I didn't get much sleep last night either, slept around 4am, ugh. K well goodnight world. (:

Down the drain.

2008-02-02T01:43:00.000-08:00

1year 3months. Unexpected, but strongly necessary. I won't ever settle for less. His sisters are like my own, and I won't let em down. Plan is to cut down on the stress so I can focus on my family, school, and my long-lost social life again. Gotsta, and I will. Believe that..

More blogging tomorrow.. prepare for a long one! (: Got class tomorrow.. Child Development.

Kankasaurus.. it's really spelled that way? It looks cool.. hahah. No more liq, JL.

Gotta turn back to myself again. No more Cheryl being MIA.

Can you stand the rain..

2008-01-27T13:11:00.000-08:00

Ugh, I can't. Better not be raining tomorrow. I don't wanna be looking for my classes in the pouring rain. But then again.. my rainboots will be convenient. My schedule is pretty chill I guess, but Paul won't settle until we have at least one class together. So we're going to add a class tonight, I think. It's not that I don't want to, but classes are packed.

Phys. Geography -- Monday/Wednesday 915-1040am.
Microeconomics 10B -- Monday/Wednesday 1045-1210pm.
Child Development (Telecourse) -- Times TBA.
Nutrition -- Tuesday/Thursday 1045-1210pm.
Sociology -- Tuesday 600-915pm.

I haven't been blogging, because my weekend has been full of babysitting, cooking, cleaning, and hospital visits. I know right, what a randomass combination. I'm a mess and I haaate it. I hate how it's the last day of break and how I hafta spend it stuck on this heart monitor. I've had all this free time to myself lately.. and I've realized that in a way, I've sorta lost myself in the mix. I'm not the same buoyant, optimistic, content, smiling girl that everyone's used to seeing. And what's sad is that, I had to hear it from my mom.. only she can sense my mood swings from left to right. (This is where I start blaming the main male figure in my life.. my pops.) I'd give anything to be a daddy's girl. He thinks the opposite, however.

Trying to make other's happy isn't as easy as it sounds. Lesson learned.

Best and I were talking about making amends with a face from the past. (Cmon guys, take a guess.) It's not about taking things back.. we're far from regrets. We were the best damn homegirls.. so was she, no sarcasm there. If anything, it's about making things right. It ain't me to hold grudges.. if she ends up needing us, hypothetically we'll be there. No promises that it will be like before, but I'll manage. It's tough "keeping your enemies closer." But someone's gotta do it and leave the pride behind.

Be the bigger person and don't let the animosity grow. Lesson learned.

Love hasn't slipped my mind. But it feels like I forgot how to love him better. Instead I feel like I'm waiting for him to teach me. I'm the one with Musiq's "Teach Me" on repeat. We haven't had anytime for each other lately and its been so "whatever" lately. I know I get tired of spelling out every single thing, in order for him to understand me.. but that's love. You teach each other. Guards go up and down, and I'm sick of it. I just wanna be able to be myself again. But first, I needa stop expecting change overnight. If he was made for me, he'll stay by my side. We've been kickin' it for too long now, to call it quits. Just reassure me that I'm making the right choice.

The best way to love, is to love like you've never been hurt. Lesson learned.

Every lesson learned is a blessing. Take it or leave it.

Good new, bad news.

2008-01-21T17:36:00.002-08:00

Pretty fortunate for those hiphop source blogs with the latest R&B joints. I'm always on top of that shit. If it wasn't for that, I'd have same ringtones for days. (I change my ringtones like I change my undies. [; Heh.) Thank goodness for Treos.. mini-tones are hella convenient.

So just as I had hoped and I'll prolly get alotta "Wtf's".. the infamous Warriors lost by one today. Thanks Harrington for missing that shot. (: But wtf, against a team that's at 6-34? On a good note, Denver won against Minnesota on Saturday. 111-108. That keeps my hopes up for tonight's game against the Lakers. Sorry JE.LA.. it's not like I don't doubt the Lakers.. they AIGHT. Eww, are you listening to the way I'm speaking? I fuckin hate being a basketball junkie, thanks to Paul's stankass. I wanna be girly again.. ): Btw.. Wade's looking good right now. That's where my girly side plays a role.. because I'm obviously sucker for these ball players. Yum..

So my weekend was fun because it was best's and Rholan's birthday weekend! On Friday, Paul picked me up after work, and I chilled with him for the mean-time. Watched the last episode of One Tree Hill's season 2. I got him and the sissys hooked. (: So yeah, chilled then he dropped me off at Nelle's around 9ish for her family party. Saw faces I haven't seen since last year, literally. I'm alive, people! Had to take doubleshots, because these bitches were already drunk.. caught up to em'.. and realized my stomach was empty. So ate some, then chilled some more. Then her whackass neighbors threw a bitchfit and called the cops. Drama here, drama there.. but everyone just played it cool and kept quiet. Around 12, I called it a night since the kids were at my house waiting for me. Came home to Criselle waiting up for me, then we KO'd after an episode of One Tree Hill.. Saturday I wasn't sure if I was gonna come out again because I wasn't feelin all that great, and babysitting was another possibility. But I managed to pick my ass up and come out for MY BEST FRIEND. Mmhmm. Nelle and Lica got me then, we went to Eva and Jay's.. waited til Alyssa got ready, then went to B's pad. Love his fattyass backyard. Waited for parties to get crashed, then traders decided to come, haha. Chilled, then more of the girls came, and we took shots. Henny bottles from left to right. Hookah and brew. No more drinking til mine and Paul's birthday, forreals! I can't even hang anymore. Good girl for good, fack. Took pictures and around 3am I called it a night.. went home and didn't hesitate to knock the fuck out. On Sunday, I rolled outta bed around noon.. cleaned and did some laundry. Hangovers suck. Made a quick stop to Long's to develop pictures and then headed to church. Met up with the otherhalf of my fambam.. The talks in church kept me on the edge of my seat. Dwelled on Father's words.. I needed that after a crazy weekend.

Father's weekly prophecy consisted on the process of baptism and the admission of a new life being pure. He also mentioned how pain is inevitable due to the fact that it's the reason why it takes time to mold into a better person. Usually percieving pain.. we have our negative outlooks about it because nobody likes feeling pain. He portrayed pain in a way I've never viewed it. If it wasn't for pain, we would not realize changes that need to be changed. Pain triggers our senses which make us react to the situation. For example if we got a cut on our hand, and hypothetically we couldn't feel pain, we would just bleed to death. Hunger is another type of pain, because if we never got hungry, we would never eat. It made me realize that we're all out here complaining about pain and why God let's bad things happen, but it's only because he has a plan for each and every one of us. Trust me, it ain't easy being let down. I remember when Oanh and Jay passed away, I would even find myself questioning my faith in Him. Why did God pick them.. it wasn't time for em to leave us, yet. But in reality, that was God's plan.. fortunately and unfortunately. It helps knowing they're in a much better place. We can't complain because it hurts too much, we should be thankful that we're strong enough to endure the pain. Until now, I'm waiting for God's plan to carry out in my life.. And when I can't face the pain, all I gotta do is stand up to it. No matter how bad it hurts, hope for the best, and expect the worst.. but believe that it's happening for a reason. When the burden becomes a heavy load, leave it up to God.

Psalms 16:2 I said to the Lord, "You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing."

Look on the bright side.

2008-01-19T14:11:00.000-08:00

Today's horoscope: "Being pulled in two directions isn't something new for you, but now it's hard to make a decision and resolve the tension. Every time you think you've reached your final answer, something else can happen causing you to change your mind again. Instead of forcing anything, just observe the fluctuations until they begin to moderate."

Every time I've reached my final answer? Then quit pullin' my arm.. be easy on me. I'm only human, man. Can't be superwoman at your convenience, world.

So quick blog, while I'm getting ready. Best friend's 2nd parlay tonight with the homies. Last night was fuuuun, though. Missed everyone. I'm still alive, people! Geez.. more detailed blog tomorrow, plus pictures. (: Later loves.

PCbabyboooo, thanks for the talks yesterday. ILY.

Injury reserved.

2008-01-18T11:11:00.000-08:00

Today's horoscope: "Even if you've been holding it all together, it might feel as if everything could quickly fall apart today. Luckily, this isn't as chaotic as it sounds, for you are invigorated by the buzz of activity around you. Respond to whatever unfolds with a high level of interest, for you won't be able to tell what's most important until after the fact."

Usually I don't check my daily horoscope, because I don't want to know what my day will consists of. Do you guys believe in your horoscopes? I try not to, because things happen based on fate. But I can't help but rely on 'em coz they're so damn relevant. Which sucks.. because this random allegation filled with complex meanings, could just be me over-analyzing every damn thing, because I'm just that type of girl. Always looking for more? Dwell on the present.

Blog later, busy day today.

Lovin' the right way.

2008-01-13T21:26:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow's my mom's birthday, but we decided to celebrate today because my siblings have work tomorrow. Woke up congested, rolled over and looked at my phone, and Paul's still on the other line. Hung up, because I knew he'd wake up around noon. Tried eating a big breakfast, coz I haven't been eating alot lately. Then got ready to have to lunch at Yummy Buffet, with the whole family. Minus Kuya Chester because he had MC drills. After, the divas came home with us.. and I made a quick stop at Long's to buy a card for my mom. Criselle picked it out, then we bought some boardgames. As soon as we got home, I finished up my mom's gift. Clock hit 6, so we went to church. Leia's sucha brat man. As much as I love that little marshmellow, she throws the worst tantrums. After church, we all headed to my pad, so Kuya Christian could fix my laptop. Played some Deal or No Deal with the fam. Mama opened her gifts, she loved em. (: Now I'm here catchin up with Apple and Anne and complaining how these niggas hella know our weakspots. Ya'll suck.

Speaking of them boys, there's HIM. We're probably a combination of the two most complicated people on this planet. And it doesn't help when we both keep goin' at it, never getting anything fixed. I let my bitchside slide, this past week.. Suprisingly, right? We had another one of our depthful eye-opening talks about what we needa change. He asked me, "Why do you put up with my shit?" Trust me, I ask myself all the fucking time. I'm no push-over, but I'm passive only when I sense that he's had a reality check. Sometimes I do what I do, because I love him. I yell, bitch, nag, because if I don't, then who else will knock sense into him? But don't get me wrong, I know where to draw the line. I won't put up with, being taken for granted. That part of me, is long gone. You wanna be with me? Step up and show me that I have a reason to stay. Love me the right way, and cut the bullshit.

Kay now my main reason for this blog, MY MAMA. She's pretty much my at-home-superwoman. She deserves every ounce of appreciation in the world. She's always doin good thangs for others, before herself. That's where I learned it from. (: Despite how much we're more like sisters, she's had my back when no one else did. She believed in me, when my dad was telling me otherwise. Yeah I get mad, because she doesn't return my clothes, or she hogs the bathroom.. but we always manage to get back on the same page. When we fight, we FIGHT. Like no joke, we run our mouth til we run outta things to say. But it's simply fixed with a trip to the mall or getting our nails done. I'll rebel from time to time, but she knows I'm here when she needs me. Happy birthday Mama, I love you! K that's nough for today's blog.. Nyquil's kickin in. Goodnight!

First strike.

2008-01-11T15:13:00.000-08:00

Been a minute since I touched this thing, so now I'm back. Lately I've just been enjoying break, making the most of it. Right now I'm watching the last episodes of One Tree Hill's season 3. Recapping season 5 though, it was pretty intense. I love how they've grown and pursued their careers, but it's crazy still. Lucas and Peyton needa get back together already. Speaking of OTH, me and Nelle are pretty much obsessed. (: Yesterday I finally kicked it with her ass. Went to Walgreens to buy some hairdye and candy. Then headed to Rholan's pad, so I could layer Ate Retzie's hair. Then after I dyed best's hair all soft black. Love our girl talk sessions. (: Went home, had some soup, checked email, then knocked out early. Been doing that alot lately.. maybe it's the excessive dosage of Nyquil? Naw.. take a guess.

It's one thing trying to sugarcoat everything, for the sake of trying to make things work. But there's only so much I can take. So someone tell me when I should stop. My future is starting to take place, and I needa pick and choose, or maybe just let fate pick who will be a part of it. By me or behind me.. take it or leave it. Just like I said before, I got this.. don't test me, love. That's the least you could do.

January:
14/ Mama's 55th & Marlo's 19th.
19/ 10's & 13's Countdown package.
20/ Rholan's 19th at JR's. (?)
22/ Bestie Nelle's 20th.
23/ Papa's 64th.
28/ First day of 2nd semester.
February:
01/ 16 Months<33
12/ Kuya Chester's 28th.
13/ Suns & GSW game with PC.
14/ Valentines!
17/ Jeremy Dori's 19th.
March:
01/ 17 months<33
15/ 9's & 14's Countdown package.
16/ Alyssa's 20th.
25/ My 20th birthday.
31/ Paul's 21st.
April:
01/ 18 months<33
10/ Nuggets & GSW game with PC.

Hustle hard, babygirl. (:

40 oz's up to 2008!

2008-01-02T19:23:00.000-08:00

2007 was good to me. It was fun. I loved, lost, and learned. So 2008, be better. (: New Year's Eve was fun times with the family. Headed to Union City around 12pm. Super windy on the freeway, and while I was driving, the wind was strong enough to move the fuggin car. Got to Tita Vi's, fixed up the food, and waited for the rest of the fam. Bunch of picture-taking, poker, eating small portions, and enjoying the last hours of 2007. Kuya Christian, Ate Marielle, and the kids finally came. Watched 300 and basketball. Put Arianna to sleep for the first time. (: She reminds me so much of Leia when she was a baby. One dimple, double-chinned, and chubby! So yeah, got home around 11, and started off 2008 real good. (: Not only was it the first day of a new beginning.. but mine and Paul's 1 year and 2 month anniversary.

Slept in and ate leftovers from the night before. Went to 11am mass at St. Francis with the whole fambam. Went home and headed to Eastridge. Waited for Paul to get off work so we could spend the day together. My big mouth told him that Caezar and the boys were playing ball at Evergreen, sooo you know the deal. Haha, went to Kevin's to meet up with him and Jennifer. Then EV to meet with everyone. Good thing Jennifer went for the first hour, since I was the only girl. ): Had good talks bout our basketball-crazed boyfriends. After she left, I was just watching the boys for like another fuggin hour. After went to Kevin's then we all went so him and Paul could get their haircuts. After went home, kicked it with the sissys, then we went out to eat. Craving L&L's but it was closed, so we had Subways, while the sissys had Wendy's and Sbucks. After I went home, and chilled with family. Tried sleeping earlier than usual since Intercession started the next day. But after Paul came home from chillen with the boys, he kept me up for awhile. ): So with my lack of sleep.. I tried to make most of the hours I had left until 8am. Goodbye winterbreak?

Yea right! Haha, at first me, Nelle, and Alyssa were excited about taking Fitness walking. Until we realized that we didn't have it that easy. 8am-11am. Three hours, not that bad right? Not until we felt how cold it was! So after the fastpaced-walking, lifting weights, and observing people's facial expressions.. we realized we were pretty much crazy. So we did some mission impossible shit and cut out. Hahah. Went home. Finally! I was able to sleep with no interruptions. Slept from 11am-3pm. (: That felt refreshing. After talked to Paul for awhile. Caught up with Joan, Anne, and Nelle. Made dinner, and now I'm here waiting for Paul to get home from playing ball. But while I'm waiting.. here's some pictures from NY eve and NY day.

Why are you always eating? So happy 15 months you fatass! I'm reeeal glad we've grown from that phase of everyday arguing. You make me feel like the luckiest girl on earth sometimes. You keep me laughing for days, whether I'm mad or sad. I really, really, really don't know how you do it. We have all these plans this year, and I'm looking forward to alla em. (:

So Anne and I were talking today about our majors. College has been fun.. getting closer and closer to finishing up my GE. You know how there's always that bump in the road everytime you try passing it, it's still going to be there? Well, changing majors is our bump. As typical as it may be, nursing will always be the universal and ideal career expected from our parents, and family in general. Yet, so many other majors keep flying through the air, and it's beginning to be tempting to just reach out and grab it, regardless of what anyone says. Graphic Design, Psychology, Dermatology, and newly added.. Kinesiology. Luckily my parents have become more leniant to the fact that it may be possible that I don't want to major in nursing. Okay, scratch that, my mom has. But my dad? He's always been my roadblock to my planned future. Since I was young, I've been trying to figure out a way to push him out of my way, but he always finds a way to push himself back in. Basically, as much as I want to make him proud (and prove him wrong at the same time), I'm doing all this for me, not for him. As much as he wants me to be the daughter he brags about to his friends, I really could care less. I'm doing this for me and my future. I would have never even been able to stand on my own, if it wasn't for my brothers though. Despite the fact that they were both unable to continue college the "right way" and graduate.. I STILL look up to them. Everyday, my dad is pretty much like a broken record. "You'll be just like your brothers, watch." And what? So what if I turn out like them, at least their happy. And so from that, I've been contemplating what will make me truly happy? Choosing a major to fit my parents needs or choosing a major to fit my future and my happiness. Yeah, I pick the second one, hands down. I love them, believe that. But I 've watched those movies where the kids follow their own dreams, and not their parents. And I only came to realize, that should be me.

Okay, I really do talk alot. I'll shuttup now. But yeah, what's good 2008? (: Gnite world!

New Year's Eve around the corner..

2007-12-30T19:40:00.000-08:00

And the game's about to change. So it's time for one of those eye-opening entries about how much my life has changed for the better. And also, what I'm going to change for my own self-benefit. Plan is.. I'm going to, scratch that, I WILL keep my priorities straight this time. No more getting sidetracked or kicked off my own avenue. Regardless of whatever steps in my way. I honestly and truly got this, on my own. This past year, I've learned to be less co-dependent. That was my main ambition from the get-go of 2007. Before this year, I found myself even letting myself down. I was always that doormat, when it came to anything. Being nice was my weakness, and people knew that. Another prophecy just went down this year, time for a new beginning. Yet, I still insist on continuing this year. 2007 was the year I grew up from that ditch that always seemed to hold me back. So as 2008 approaches, I will keep standing on my own and relying on myself for my happiness. No one else holds that advantage, except me. Trust can't be tossed around left and right anymore.

2007 was the year that I ended friendships and rekindled old ones. It was the year, we were betrayed, fooled, and double-crossed. I was finally able to face and confront issues that had been weighing me down for awhile. Compared to most, I'm usually the softspoken one. Keeping everything dwindled inside, then explode later typa-thing. Bad, I know.. but that's just me. In the aftermath, I've finally realized that truth does hurt. It knows how to hit the spot real good. If it means losing a friend, then so be it. I'll speak my mind, with or without you. As long as I get my last word in. It's not because I'm stubborn, it's because I can't front anymore. So there, I lost that homegirl that always reminded me, "Put your girls first." Which fortunately left me with my bestbestbest friend, ever. It was never a title, because for as long as I've known her (since junior year of high school, pretty much), she's been there for me through everything, undeviatingly. Through the highs and lows in my life, she witnessed every minute. From bringing me out to get things off my mind (even when my eyes were swollen balling my eyes out) all the way to, our ASAP chill sessions just coz we haven't talked in days (eating pho was always the best resort, haha). So to the other half of JdubCM, thanks JanelleRia. I love you to fucking pieces!

My hands are numbing from typing while freezing, but I still got more. (I know I talk alot, but anyways!) Taking it way back, to sophomore year.. Caezarlyn! You're a fucking boss for being my best friend that long. Haha, no really, what a roller coaster. Through all my brokenhearts, you perceived it all. Always told me I deserved best and that I have potential for everything that came my way. There's innumerable times, I've let you down. Whenever you told me what's right for me, I took the wrong path intentionally. In contempt of it all, in the end, you never failed to say "Things will be okay." Thanks Hb! Who would have ever thought we'd have the same anniversaries!

Which leads me to the one that made this year all-embracing and complete. People doubted us, told me I deserved better, they even tried breaking us up. But I literally said "Fuck it." I've been through the unthinkable, I can handle whatever's thrown at me. It was never about what other people had to say. Feels like you grabbed my face and made me see things I wasn't able to see. The rest of the world is always a blur whenever I'm with you. And that explains why I'm still with you. I never got this feeling of reassurance, and you give me that everyday. You already know all this, because you're the one that finishes all my sentences, laughs at me when I'm yelling at you, and mocks me in my voice when you know I'm already upset. Hahah, damn I really do love you, baby. I can't wait to carry out all our plans together. Everything in my life includes you, even if you aren't my number one priority.. you fall into my list of pre-eminences. (: Thanks baby (again) for everydamnthing.

So that does it, for my 2007 thank you's. I know these people will be a part of my life for many years to come. (: Next blog, tomorrow. It'll be my New Year's resolutions! Nite blogmates.

Stuck in a maze.

2007-12-29T15:57:00.000-08:00

Our 15 months is around the corner, and I can pretty much say, I've never been as happy as I am when I'm with you. I know I'm a pain, when I nag you.. and vice versa, but you always put up with me and it's always you tryna make us better. Meaning, whenever I feel like giving up, you always make me change my mind. When it comes to you, you literally know how to aggravate me. I guess we've been together for too long, that we know each other inside and out enough to push the exact buttons. Our second Christmas together, and you and I both didn't think we would even last this long. But now, I can really say.. we have a long way ahead of us. Because right now, I can't picture myself with anyone else. The way you always do the little things to make me content, all the way to the stupid things you do that just makes me love you more. We've been through so many revelations in our relationship, that only made us better people in the end. Essentially, you've been my backbone and I just wanna say thanks. For taking care of me, making me a better person (In disguise, haha.) and always being "right there" whenever I need ya. I love you, PCbaby. (:

Let's take the long way home.

2007-12-26T09:40:00.000-08:00

happy holidays! (:

Amanda came over on Saturday to get her hair done by me. It was fun. Her hair turned out cuteees on her! Plus we had our good girl talks again. (: When I go to the UNE, take me to get my nails done.

Christmas was pretty much the best yet. I love my family and all our kickbacks. Christmas Eve, we kicked it at my pad. Good times, good laughs, good food. (: I was comparing our pictures from this Christmas, to last Christmas, and it's crazy how the kids have grown. Plus our new addition Arianna Michaela. (: Same as every filipino family universally, we wasted the night away with wine, kareoke, and good barbeque. Even Kuya Christian took over the mic. My brothers hella know me best, I swear. They got me "Hella Cheryl" presents, ever. Baby got me the best presents though, can't top that. (: Two pairs of 8's plus my Chanel shades on the way. I spent all my money on that n/gga. :( And our birthdays are coming up, too. Shit. So yeah, was gonna go to midnight mass, but we were exhausted. Paul and the sissys came by after to drop off my presents. Then I knocked out. Next morning, Christmas day. Went to mass at 1230pm. Saw Anne and her fam, yay. After went home, and caught up on some z's. Woke up and baby swooped me up. Spent the day at their house for their family party. Watched Elf.. love that movie. (: Then I went home, and opened the rest of my presents. (I wasn't even finished, yet. Hahah.) Now I just gotta give Janelle and Myles their presents, and I'm done. (: Next up, New years! 2008 is creepin' up.. geez.

Baby, it's cold outside.

2007-12-21T23:37:00.000-08:00

Explaining why I refuse to go out tonight. I wanted to, but all this gift-wrapping got me tired. ): Skipped shopping today, coz I was sore from my morning run with Kuya Chester. Plus I slept at 4am, so I wanted to sleep in. But Jennifer and her brother's lady came over around 9am, cause I did her makeup for SJSU's graduation. My motivation right there.. she's a nursing student. Gotta make it there and do it big. (: So yeah, after the hustlin'.. cleaned the whole mothafuggin house, did laundry, put dishes in dishwasher, folded clothes.. you know the whole wifey deal. Took a nap til 4pm, only to find out my ass was home alone. Was gonna go shopping with Paul, but I didn't feel too good. So he went with Bryan and Daly.. then he calls me and asks me to get him a gift card for Christmas. I was what and me thinking he's going to say like Footlocker, or something of that sort.. this n/gga says, "Louis Vuitton." Wtf/ck? Isn't that supposed to be me sayin' that shit? Geez baby. So yeah, wrapped gifts like a mad woman, prolly 40+ gifts. Then Paul finally came home, so he occupied me. Missed him. (: Denver lost today, sucks.. only by 2 though. Close game, again. Anyhoots, look at these lil' mamas.

They should get nominated for,
"Most spoiled brats, ever."

However, yesterday was a different story. Left my house at 11am, dropped by Tita Mercy's, then went to Great Mall. Had lunch with Kuya Chester and Leia. Literally lost my voice, from yellin' at that brat. I swear, everyone thinks I'm her mom. I get those weird looks from people, haha. Anyways, bought my brother's gifts, then Ate Marielle's, then my godson Myles Jermaine's, then finally Nelle's present. Gotta do more shopping, hopefully I can go to the city on Sunday. Went to H&M, and got a peacoat and 4 scarves. Yeaaa I gotta face it, I'm pretty much obsessed with scarves. (: Saw Anne and Rio. Anne's a badass auntie, wakin' up Leia from her nap. Haha, jk. Mobbed home to take a break and pick up Criselle, drove all the way back to meet up with Kuya Christian cause he needed help shopping for Ate Marielle. No luck at Gmall, so we went to Eastridge. Visited my baby at worko, then went shopping with my brothers. Funny bumpin' into people. Hahah. Then, finally got what we needed, and bounced. Came home watched the game, and slept until Paul came home from playing ball. Christine's party's tonight, but you know how my homebody ass is. Ppl tryna hustle me for my henny too, sorry holmes. (: Haha. K Ima wrap one of Paul's presents then knock out. Another long day tomorrow.. Nite fuggas.

The day that never ended.

2007-12-20T23:07:00.000-08:00

Seemed like it was today! Shopping from 12pm-10pm, Gmall & Eastridge. Saw my PCbaby, gave him a quick visit at work. Damn, long ass day, blog more tomorrow. But I came home to the Nuggets and Rockets game.. and all I've gotta say... BEST GAME EVER! Although it went overtime, twice. I hate OT's, but that shit was intense. Melo hella started bad, 2-17 field goals.. and by the end of the game, he made 37.. aww my babydaddy. (: Close ass game! 111-112.. Hella ties and hella changes in lead, but it was all worth it when Carter made the leading shot in 0.8 secs. Made my daaaaay. :D K check back tomorrow! I'm exhausteeeed and I got a makeup appointment to do at 9am tomorrow, ahhh. Nite!

Craziest part of doubletime, f/cccck.

Ps: Get outta my head.......

Scratch finals off my list.

2007-12-19T19:09:00.000-08:00

Thank ya very much. (: Spent the passed two nights studying with Nelle. (Including studying during my whole weekend, solo though.) Went to Starbucks then Target, then watched Tila. And studied during commercials. Hahah, we good we good. Tila hella caught me off guard, cause people kept sayin' she was picking Dani. Kinda glad she picked Bobby, but whatevvs, they ain't gon last. That shot of love ain't gon keep her buzzed. Ha, there's a f/ckin' sequel!

So this morning, I rolled over on my futon, pressing snooze on my alarm about 4 times. All 10 minutes apart, so you know it took me that long, to get my ass up. Basically cause I was thinking about my hella unforseen dream that I had last night. Always happens.. whatever my previous day consists of, it ends up resurfacing in my dream. Iono maaan, that shit got me thinking irrationally. /: So yeah, woke up, called Paul to wake him up. Babygirls showed up and bugged me while I was gettin ready for class, as usual. Took my political science final.. we got that shit down packed! Haha. Then, took our ethnics final.. damn our teacher is missing part of his cerebellum, or maybe we're just slick? Yea, that one.. Haha. Me, Alyssa, and Eva pretty much used our studyguides the whole time. After class, got home and made lunch for Leia. Then I picked up Criselle from school, while Leia was napping. Stopped by TacoBell, cause she was craving for some nachos. I passed. (Stupid diet.) Got home, helped Criselle with her homework, then finally got to kick back and bum it on the couch. (: I'm sorta moody today, but what's new. No more nice girl, no more being walked on this week. I'm back, and 10x worse. Night! (:

Need to do's:
-Get a new phone.
-Get OTH Season 4!
-Christmas In The Park.
-Finish Christmas shopping.
-Get another job, asap.
-Get one more class for next semester.
-Go to NY and Hawaii. (Now would be nice!)
-Pull through with mine and bff's diet plan!

Postin it at best's pad.

2007-12-17T21:44:00.000-08:00

Attempting to study, and we have been.. just getting sidetracked because I Love New York is playing. I've already watched it and Janelle won't let me tell her who won. But she's been tryna get sh/t outta me, and I'm nice enough not to spoil it. Coz I spoiled it last year for her. (: It's elimination right now! Alyssa just got here, so after this, we're all going to study for political science. I stole some pictures from Nelle's laptop from our adventure to get Lica's tatt. She doesn't know I did. (: I'm so sneeeeekay.

EDIT: 11:44pm

Home now, ended up just taking a massive amount of notes and had our usual girl talk. So if you didn't watch I Love NY, Ima spoil it for ya. I seriously can't believe that she picked Tailormade's whooped dumbass. Nelle was hella suprised! I'm laggin' on this blog. Okay focus! So today, went to school, went to both of my classes, aren't ya proud? (: Went home, then Paul's new house. Feels super home-yy. Left, so he could go christmas shopping with his boys. Talk bout mall-hopping, went from Eastridge, to New Park, to Great Mall. Got home, napped, then off to study with Janelle. I feel so tired for some reason. Oh, diet started today too. Sucks major. Hopefully it'll pay off! Kay well Ima KO now, nighty-night-night.

PS, I miss Oanh and Jay. ):

10 days until Christmas.

2007-12-15T20:14:00.000-08:00

Already? Then New Year's.. feels like I'm getting rushed. Anyways, I haven't been blogging, because my f/cking internet on my laptop is being dumbass stupid. So I'm on my mom's laptop, takin' a break from studying for finals. Should be out, but I'm so pooped from being a mom today. Running errands all day. Dyed my hair soft black yesterday. Looks healthier, again. Sucks how I get tired of my hair color hella easily, though. Called Apple to catch up, I missed heeer. & Paul's been busy for me lately, because he's moving this weekend. I'm excited though, he's somewhat closer to me. (: Yeah, well that's all Ima blog for now, I'm exhausted. Here I go, tryna attempt to study.. Gnight!

We'll reach our pot of gold,

2007-12-12T21:44:00.000-08:00

..Somehow. I didn't think I'd say the things I said today. We've been in this circle for awhile now, and it's getting heavy on me. I just feel like I shouldn't have to question if your intentions are genuine. I should know, that you're truly here for me. Apologies don't seem to cut it anymore. I've said things from the tip of my tongue, based on my anger. And today, you did, too. I never said I'm tired of you.. just tired of pushing it aside. I know it always seems like I'm pickin' fights, but it's only to see if you're really down. And so far, you've showed me you are. But you're always tellin' me I deserve better. You think I don't know that? Apparently, I'm choosing to stick with ya. I rather be with someone that knows me best and how to piss me off, rather than someone who doesn't know my weaknesses and is focused on kissing my ass, rather than actually loving me. Always bringin' up that I should find someone that can offer me what you can't. But how can I? When you've done so, damn, much for my ass.. literally. I never give you 'nough credit, but I appreciate everything. I love you. With and without ya.. just wish you'd see that and quit livin' in my past.

Visited Jay today. That was a good load off my chest, our usual JdubCM visit has been delayed for hella days now. So that was fun. I still miss him the same way. Talkin' bout all the good, bad, and trippy times, was a good reminisce. I think it will always feel like "just yesterday." It sucks, knowing I'll never get over his absence. But I should know, he's always with us. After the cemetary, me, Nelle, and Lica, ate at Iguana's. Killing time before we went to SJ Ink, to get Lica's tatt. That was fun, too. Always fun watchin' someone else get a tatt, other than yourself. Then went home to babysit. Helped Criselle with her homework, then made dinner before I left. Paul and Daly swooped me up, then we just chilled at their casa. It's so empty now. ): Listened to Mary sing Chris Brown hits. Muted the TV, and she didn't know coz she had the headphones on. Love that lil' mama. Was gonna go to eat dinner with Paul and the boys, but I was tired. So now I'm home, chillen & shit. Bout to knock out. Don't know what's crackin' tmrw, other than me babysitting. I'm hella blah right now.. I needa release all this agression, foooorreals. Nite!

Thinking too much.

2007-12-11T18:23:00.000-08:00

As happy as I am with my life, I always find myself plannin' ahead. My future, and who will still be in it. I was choppin' it up with AnneTherese earlier, and despite all the shit we talk (Shut up, you know all ya'll do it, too. Haha.), we always talk about the goodstuff. Relationship-wise and future-wise. Being the backbone of your otherhalf has it's benefits. Yet, it has it's disadvantages. The ups.. are watchin em succeed and puttin' themselves to good use, am I right? Bein' the female in the relationship, we're always doin' whatever it takes to make ours happy. But dontcha ever feel like it's never enough? And truth is, one day.. when we're feelin' unappreciated, we can easily up and leave. But it's easier said than done. :/ Cheer up babygirl! Love you Anne!

Future-wise, I like talkin' bout the future. Moving out, getting married, future careers, having kids.. and like I told Anne, I just wanna fast forward sometimes. Skip the whole growing up process. But it's all goody, there's no rush. (: Blog later, Tila's on in a few!

Aww my babies. (: Love em! K bbl, laaate.

Monday morning..

2007-12-10T13:49:00.000-08:00

Sunny daaaaay outside, so it was a day to wear some j's. But boyeee was it cold as fuck. Only me and Nelle went to Political Science. Took a shitload of notes. Skipped Ethnics, just because! Waited for Paul, so I could give his paper for weight-training, and cheat sheet for Econ. After bf and I got some Pho, since it was so damn cold. A regular size was decieving to my stomach, because it seemed so fuckin' huge. Dropped by her pad, then chilled at Lunardi's.. our usual table. Went home, planning to take a good nap. Ended up conversing with a stranger, however, I think I made my point. Some things are better left unsaid, or at least that's what I prefer. Edit later, I'm sleepy. Hills finale tonight! Crazy, wonder what's going to happen, other than Heidi leavin Spencer's stupidass. Nonetheless, I am no fan of hers. It's all about Lauren. (:

EDIT: 5:47pm

The whole damn world knows I'm your girl. I don't need the constant misgivings that you seem to always overwhelm me with. It's not too much to ask for yanno.. I need a lil bit understanding. In other words, meet me halfway, instead of expecting me to go the extra mile for you. Sounds good? Level with me.

This Christmas,

2007-12-09T09:49:00.000-08:00

..Has to top last year. (: Yesterday was Paul-filled. We haven't kicked it lately, coz I was always busy with school and family. So since he had work in the morning, we chilled after. Went to his grandma's for Lynda's babyshower. Saw alla his fambam, ate some, chilled some. After we left to go to Valley Fair to pick out some sunglasses. Mall was intensely packed, no joke. My babies got tired, so we went home. Got bored, so we went back to his grandma's, killed time before the movies. Was gonna go to Ceej's pad, but everyone bounced. Headed to Eastridge, watched This Christmas. I got goosebumps everytime Chris Brown sang. (: Felt bad, coz I couldn't meet up with bf and the girls to go drinkup, considering the fact that we passed Psychology. Sorry loves, next time! Knocked out right when I got home. I think all Ima do today is extra credit papers and go to church later. School tomorrow already? Fugg, blog laterrrrrr.

EDIT: 10:39pm

Oh how I dread school. ;( Spent today with major stomach cramps, you have nooooo idea! Greenbay won this morning, so I enjoyed my breakfast. Guess Who played on tv, so watched that while I proofread Paul's paper for weight-training. Made dinner. Amanda called me and it looks like I have three clients to get their hair done. (: Yay. After Christine called me bout some breez I bumped into last night. Talk bout beanstalk status, literally he's going to need a ladder to get up to that. S'okay girl, you're too good for that. Gotta find you a good man, pronto. Dude, I love this month. Christmas then New Year's. I wanna do so much before this year ends, but it seems like I won't be able to get it all done. Can you believe it's going to be 2008? I don't. Let's recap this past year.. yea? (:

How my 2007 went down..

January:

Spent New year's day with Paul, our 2 months.
01-11-07, our "wannabe" one year anniversary. (haha.)
Took family pictures for the first time, meaning my complete family.
Went clubbin with the girls at Boondocks. (the last time I've been clubbin this year, haha.)
My brother got our baby doberman, Anubys. (: He's a big boy now.

February:

3 months with Paul.
My little brother had to go through bs with the 50's.
12th: Kuya Ches's 27th birthday.. crazzzzy night.
First Valentine's day with Paul.
17th: Jeremy Dori's 18th = can not believe we spent that day literally for yeaa, ha.

March:

4 months with Paul.
We broke up for the first time.
16th: Alyssa's 19th.. super crazy night.
Kuya Wilson and Ate Sherylyn's wedding in Reno.
25th: Spent my 19th birthday in Reno, phone rang off the hook. SJ love. <3
Paul took me out to Macaroni Grill for my birthday.
31st: Paul's 20th at Uriah's. Had a bbq, got hella drunk, slept over.

April:

He asked me to be his girl again, making it 5 months.
Got my wisdom teeth taken out. PAIN.
Gained another angel, Lola Masing. <3
Hella streetfam drama went down, friendships ended.
30th: Oanh Tran's 19th birthday. <3

May:

6 months = half a whole fuckin' year with him, wow.
Denver nuggets lost the series. ):
Daddyo's fat, I mean FAT retirement party at mi casa.
Had 1234567890 customers to do for prom, fun!
Went to PGA, with Paul's sisters and LA cousins.
DUBJCM became JDUBCM, and it was for the best. No regrets.
Left for the Philippines for 3 whole weeks, dun dun dun..

June:

Spent our 7 months in the Philippines, still called him at exactly 12am. ):
Came back from the Philippines!
Not alot happened this month, except for excessive arguing. Leading to..

July:

9 months with Paul.
Spent 4th of July at Eva and Jay's.
That night, we broke up again.. this time, it was me.
Late night swimming at Kuya Christian's with my siblings and the kids!
Knew I couldn't let him go, he came back, and I let him.
Ranielle's babyshower with the girls.
20th: Oanh Tran's one year death anniversary.
Constant trips to the park with the Chea sisters. (:
ChuckECheese with em, too.

August:

Supposedly 9 months, but we still weren't official.
Went from blonde to dark brown.
Myles Jermaine's christening! Reception in San Bruno. Craziest night ever, slept at Paul's.
That night, I asked Paul to be my boyfriend again. YUP I DID, I got balls. (:
Ate Wella's wedding in Vegas! Dumbass fun, you have no clue!
Paul got his Lexus IS300. ;]
Considered going to Academy of Arts University. Til tuition hit.. HA, I was trippen.

September:

10 months with Paul.
4th: Kuya Christian's 29th birthday at D&B's.
8th: Jeremy Dori's one year death anniversary.
School started! Got classes with the girls!
We broke up again, dude. (I was dooooone, but I was lying to myself! Ha.)
Swoop's birthday, shitfaced drunk. Me and Nelle established our best friendship. (:
Found out the best secret ever.. aww.. CHEYMAMA. Ha. -.-

October:

We didn't really have an 11th monthsary..
Sarah Jane's 18th, drunk again. Ooooh boy.
Tryna move the fuck on, I couldn't. He came back, and I knew it.. I love the guy.
Started working for Primerica.
Nate's 21st, had DRUNK written all over it.
Spent Halloween with Paul and his sisters.

November:

We made it! Our one year anniversary. Cheesecake Factory. (:
3rd: Criselle Marie's 8th birthday.
Got super sick, still recovering.. ):
Deleted my mothafuggin myspace. Yup, I did it.
18th: Leia Analise's 3rd birthday.
Chilled with Ceej, Shemallen, and Fattsy for the first time, in a long time.
Thanksgiving at my pad, then Tita Mercy's.
Black Friday shoooooooooooooooooopping. (:

& December is still in the process..
But honestly, I can't believe I went through half the shit up there. Reminiscing makes me realize how much I've grown. I have a different perspective more now, than in the beginning of this year. I'm glad everything happened the way it did. Well Ima get some shuteye now, while my nose is freezing cold. I've been typing this thing for an hour, coz I was getting sidetracked. Kay, night world! (:

Aries horoscope..

2007-12-08T08:45:00.000-08:00

"Today you have a rare opportunity to create stability in the midst of change. You may be enthused by the idea of starting something new, yet things begin to slow down as you drive toward manifestation. Try not to get annoyed with delays. You won't be stuck here for long. In fact, everything is shifting faster than you realize."

Shifting faster than I may realize? Indeed..

I'm up early on another Saturday, coz I have 3 Psychology exams! 2 Make-ups and our last exam. I'm assed out man. I attempted studying all day yesterday. Didn't go out, even though I deserved to. Instead my mom was on bitchmode, mumbling shit for no apparent reason. But whateverrrr. And on top of alla that, me and Paul were goin' at it. Ha, ha, ha. I think that was my fault though. Previous temper from my mom was still in me, so I released it all out on Paul. Sorry love. No matter how bitchy I was to him, he still managed to list 10 things he likes bout me. And it wasn't no bs either.. more like "I like the way you take care of me and you keep me on track.." Aww you fuckin' fruit. K I'm off to escuelaaa. Wish me luck!

EDIT: 1:01pm

Donedeal! No more Saturday classes til' next semester. Got an A on my portfolio, plus extra credit that I didn't even intend to do. Now I'm thinkin' bout minoring in Psychology. Anyhoots, today's plans are still a blur. So far, I'm gon' meet up with Paul after he gets off work, do a little shopping, his cousin's babyshower, possibly Caezar's to watch the fight, then whatever after. When I got home earlier, I re-straightened my hair. Felt like I had extentions, my hair has grown hella much. I feel like hacking it off.. but I know I'll regret it. I ended up re-arranging my room, my room's gigantic now. All it needs is a TV with cable, and I'll be good. Update this thing tomorrow, considering how much better it is compared to xanga. (:

New year approaching..

2007-12-07T22:48:00.000-08:00

& Chadrina reminded me that xanga has been apart of my life for way too long. 7 years?

At the end of the day, I just sit up on my futon, neglect my need to study for Psych, and try to pinpoint on what 2007 consisted of. And instead, I'm in a whirlwind of, "Same shit, different day." We argued so much, that it began to amuse me. One day, I gave a fuck, next day I didn't. You honestly know how to push that pressure point that nobody knows about. And when I say "Ouch,".. you're so quick to redeem yourself, it's not even funny. You immediately sense every feeling I could possibly feel, include me in everything you do, and when you can.. you put me first, even when I don't want you to. Which obviously explains why I love you.. with everything I got. We don't get along most of the time, and you notice it more than I do. When I play the role of the guy, you fight me for the position. (guy mentality=not givin' a fuck.) Bein' a girl sucks, yea?

Affirmativeeee.