We'll reach our pot of gold,

..Somehow. I didn't think I'd say the things I said today. We've been in this circle for awhile now, and it's getting heavy on me. I just feel like I shouldn't have to question if your intentions are genuine. I should know, that you're truly here for me. Apologies don't seem to cut it anymore. I've said things from the tip of my tongue, based on my anger. And today, you did, too. I never said I'm tired of you.. just tired of pushing it aside. I know it always seems like I'm pickin' fights, but it's only to see if you're really down. And so far, you've showed me you are. But you're always tellin' me I deserve better. You think I don't know that? Apparently, I'm choosing to stick with ya. I rather be with someone that knows me best and how to piss me off, rather than someone who doesn't know my weaknesses and is focused on kissing my ass, rather than actually loving me. Always bringin' up that I should find someone that can offer me what you can't. But how can I? When you've done so, damn, much for my ass.. literally. I never give you 'nough credit, but I appreciate everything. I love you. With and without ya.. just wish you'd see that and quit livin' in my past.

Visited Jay today. That was a good load off my chest, our usual JdubCM visit has been delayed for hella days now. So that was fun. I still miss him the same way. Talkin' bout all the good, bad, and trippy times, was a good reminisce. I think it will always feel like "just yesterday." It sucks, knowing I'll never get over his absence. But I should know, he's always with us. After the cemetary, me, Nelle, and Lica, ate at Iguana's. Killing time before we went to SJ Ink, to get Lica's tatt. That was fun, too. Always fun watchin' someone else get a tatt, other than yourself. Then went home to babysit. Helped Criselle with her homework, then made dinner before I left. Paul and Daly swooped me up, then we just chilled at their casa. It's so empty now. ): Listened to Mary sing Chris Brown hits. Muted the TV, and she didn't know coz she had the headphones on. Love that lil' mama. Was gonna go to eat dinner with Paul and the boys, but I was tired. So now I'm home, chillen & shit. Bout to knock out. Don't know what's crackin' tmrw, other than me babysitting. I'm hella blah right now.. I needa release all this agression, foooorreals. Nite!