Can you stand the rain..

Ugh, I can't. Better not be raining tomorrow. I don't wanna be looking for my classes in the pouring rain. But then again.. my rainboots will be convenient. My schedule is pretty chill I guess, but Paul won't settle until we have at least one class together. So we're going to add a class tonight, I think. It's not that I don't want to, but classes are packed.

Phys. Geography -- Monday/Wednesday 915-1040am.
Microeconomics 10B -- Monday/Wednesday 1045-1210pm.
Child Development (Telecourse) -- Times TBA.
Nutrition -- Tuesday/Thursday 1045-1210pm.
Sociology -- Tuesday 600-915pm.

I haven't been blogging, because my weekend has been full of babysitting, cooking, cleaning, and hospital visits. I know right, what a randomass combination. I'm a mess and I haaate it. I hate how it's the last day of break and how I hafta spend it stuck on this heart monitor. I've had all this free time to myself lately.. and I've realized that in a way, I've sorta lost myself in the mix. I'm not the same buoyant, optimistic, content, smiling girl that everyone's used to seeing. And what's sad is that, I had to hear it from my mom.. only she can sense my mood swings from left to right. (This is where I start blaming the main male figure in my life.. my pops.) I'd give anything to be a daddy's girl. He thinks the opposite, however.

Trying to make other's happy isn't as easy as it sounds. Lesson learned.

Best and I were talking about making amends with a face from the past. (Cmon guys, take a guess.) It's not about taking things back.. we're far from regrets. We were the best damn homegirls.. so was she, no sarcasm there. If anything, it's about making things right. It ain't me to hold grudges.. if she ends up needing us, hypothetically we'll be there. No promises that it will be like before, but I'll manage. It's tough "keeping your enemies closer." But someone's gotta do it and leave the pride behind.

Be the bigger person and don't let the animosity grow. Lesson learned.

Love hasn't slipped my mind. But it feels like I forgot how to love him better. Instead I feel like I'm waiting for him to teach me. I'm the one with Musiq's "Teach Me" on repeat. We haven't had anytime for each other lately and its been so "whatever" lately. I know I get tired of spelling out every single thing, in order for him to understand me.. but that's love. You teach each other. Guards go up and down, and I'm sick of it. I just wanna be able to be myself again. But first, I needa stop expecting change overnight. If he was made for me, he'll stay by my side. We've been kickin' it for too long now, to call it quits. Just reassure me that I'm making the right choice.

The best way to love, is to love like you've never been hurt. Lesson learned.

Every lesson learned is a blessing. Take it or leave it.